The New White Diet: Humble Pie
Our family just got back from a much-needed vacation. After spending months inside the house and sometimes outdoors, we were excited to drive far from home and relax at the beach while maintaining safety guidelines. The beach is my happy place. I draw so much energy from the vastness of the ocean and mystery of what’s beneath the water.
Like many, a beach vacation also involves getting into a swimsuit that reminds me of my body’s changes. Sometimes I’m excited, sometimes not so much. However, every time I am reminded of society’s unrealistic beauty standards, and it depresses me. Sometimes it sends me into an unhealthy spiral of trying a new diet and punishing my body for its perceived unworthiness. Ugh.
Yet, I was reminded on vacation of a much-needed healthy diet that is so needed right now. It’s a new diet that is specifically for white people called Humble Pie. The idiom of “eating humble pie” is used to describe a person’s need to admit wrong that involves a large amount of embarrassment. If any white person has learned anything in the last two weeks, then it is a deep awareness of the systemic racism driven by white supremacy, of which we are all a part.
Therefore, it’s time for us white people to eat some humble pie for a while. Why? Wrongs have been and are being continuously committed by white people toward people of color at the individual, group, organization, and community level. Change for white people involves admitting our conscious and unconscious racist behaviors. In my own experience, I have found that admitting a wrong is not a human strength; instead, it is a skill that must be consciously learned and continuously practiced. In case you need some reminding, here are some thoughts on getting started.
1. Admit your own racism. Anyone can have racist thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes. In the United States, we have grown up in a society where the story of white people has been the dominant narrative. In a recent podcast interview, professor Ibram X. Kendi describes it this way. Imagine growing up in a world where you’ve been told everything is dry, when really everything is wet. If you’ve only known the “dry” story, then the dominant narrative is what you understand and believe. Anti-racism work involves learning about the underrepresented narratives of our history and lifelong untangling of the impacts.
2. Recognize the difference between intent and impact. Sometimes we can get upset when someone calls us a racist or points out a word or phrase as racist. We might respond with, “That’s not what I meant” or “I can’t say anything right.” One of the most powerful lessons that I have learned in the last year is the difference between intent and impact. Too often we white people brush off racist comments and micro-aggressions because of intent without recognizing the impact on other people. We must hold the tension of intent and impact together.
3. Practice active vulnerability. When you mess up, it’s time to say you are sorry. This action involves looking in someone’s eyes (in person or virtually), being mentally present, and saying the words with a description of the committed wrong. It’s that simple and yet so hard. However, saying you are sorry and learning the lesson is a crucial step forward in healing relationships.
Eating humble pie doesn’t sound sexy, yet I am ready for this new diet. And I am scared about messing up and hurting people, too. Did you know that perfectionism is a characteristic of white supremacy? Damn it - here I am tripping all over my own racist behavior again. But, I’m ready to become an anti-racist one step at a time. Let’s do it together.
*This article was originally published on June 7, 2020, on LinkedIn.