Leaving Well

A few years ago I left a role that meant the world to me. The role had given me a chance to build a human resources department from scratch. As someone who thrives on creation, this was a dream opportunity for me, and the organization was generous in giving me flexibility and room to explore the impossible. I was in the role for five years when I realized that career growth meant leaving the organization. It was a difficult decision. So many emotions, thoughts, and scenarios ran through my mind during the experience. Most of all, I wanted to transition in a way that honored the organization, celebrated the employees, and valued my contributions and time. I wanted to leave well.

Since that time, I’ve had several friends prepare to leave their jobs for new ones. I kept notes during my transition and have shared them several times. So, I am offering them here in case you need them. Before I go any further, I want to recognize that many people have left jobs without a choice. For those who have experienced job loss without choice this year, I send my love. This may not be the best time to read this post.

The decision to leave my role was difficult, and that’s the first part of leaving a job well – admitting reality. Once I made the decision, I saw how much I had been fighting against reality for months. I had invested a great deal into the work and community. I wanted to go higher in the ranks, and it was clear that the opportunity just wasn’t there. I fought that reality for a long time. I kept poking and pushing at different ways to ascend because I didn’t want to leave, but I had to face it. I also knew that the role would change for the better if I left. I built something wonderful, and I was proud of it. But the role required measured sustainability for the foreseeable future, and I was ready to create again.

The second piece of leaving well is interior work. This kind of work is about connecting the heart and mind to the situation. No matter how much we try, our hearts are tied to our jobs. When we try to leave without involving our hearts, then our hearts will show up in different ways and possible in unhealthy reactions. When we try to leave without involving our brains, then we may make rash decisions and even leave money and recommendations on the table. For me, interior work involved journaling every day from the week I gave my notice until a month afterward. I used a feelings wheel to identify 3-5 emotions each morning and then explored beyond that emotion. For instance, I noticed that I was frequently feeling frustrated. I wrote down the situations and reflected on them. Then the insight came – “No one will live up to my expectations today because I am seeking affirmation that runs deeper than my work.” Ouch. That hurt. And it was true. This helped me to understand how I was showing up each day during my transitions.

Another piece of leaving well is reflection time. Reflection time is just thinking about the situation without an agenda or a need to problem solve. Often, I would drink my coffee in the morning and stare out the window in thought. Some questions that crossed my mind:

·       What do I want for today?

·       What am I curious about today?

·       Where is my ego popping up with giving my notice?

·       What is the voice of fear whispering to me?

·       How do I want to show up today?

This even involved daily meditation where I visualized the ideal day. I borrowed this practice from athlete stories where they use visualizations for big performances. It worked, and the practice helped me to play out the day in my mind versus living in the overwhelming feelings of it.

The final piece of leaving well that I will offer is allowing one’s self to celebrate and dream. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time of accepting compliments. That’s ironic to me because I love a compliment, but I get embarrassed when all the attention is coming my way when I feel vulnerable. It sounds weird, but I think some of you know what I am talking about. Two things that helped me in this phase was documentation and dreaming. First, I wrote down every single positive note or comment that someone sent or said to me during this time. I did this so I could go back and look at what people said when I was in a better place. This practice also aided me in seeing my legacy in the role. Second, I started a new journal for thoughts and ideas of the future. At that point, I wasn’t quite sure what my next role would look like, so I documented any ideas that gave me energy. I also noted how I could build community for myself once I left the role and be open to new experiences.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Leaving well is not easy when it is a choice and leaving impacts us at every level. I hope you can find your voice and path to leaving when it happens. Be open to love, breathe, and be confident in yourself. You got this.